i dont even know where to start.... for the longest time things with me and her have been messed up all over..

 

i am soo tired and depressed im not even going to write everything down that i want to, but whats really bothering me is that i cant do anything to get over her, i should have never let any of this happen...

 

i want her back, she is my life and everything that matters to me, i am soo pathetic and soo young to be saying this but i have nothing but her, no one knows my story exept for whoever might find this blog, but i really wish i could have her back, i really would be the best to her, i have almost fixed things between us like 4 times and got us back up and happy but the last thing that brought me down on my knees was one day a guy that she had liked for years suddenly told her he liked her... and eventually told her he loved her, i had finally got things straight with me and her and then that happend...

 

i am no match for this guy... he can drive play music and even more, he could be a thousand times better than me.. but i know noone in the world thinks of logan like i do... she just doesnt get it andi dont know if she ever will, but i put her infront of my life and its to a good cause, i dont do it just for fun, i do it because i really can keep her before myself.

 

i look at her in a million ways more than anyone else, just the way she stands or her body language i know everything about. i take soo much time to find out why she is good and why i am doing all of this for her, to almost everyone she is a slut or a whore who has done alot of sexual things with other guys... and she has.. but for her i didnt think of any of it, i put it all behind so i could make better memories with her, and make it so she didnt regret doing anyhting with me, i wanted to do more than any guy could ever dream of doing.. she has no idea how much i think of her, i remember everything and anything that i learn about her andi make sure i dont forget. i really wish she knew what she is putting me through, with other ugys and not calling me and not telling me anything..

 

i wish devon never did what he did... what a fucking asshole i swear, he knew she was with me and he cant even hang onto a girlfriend of his own and he knew that logan liked him, and he said that to her and it started everything!!  it put soo much weight on logan... i cried soo much about all this crap, she started telling me she doesnt even know what love is anymore and lined me up with all these other guys that did nothing but hurt her, she was comparing me and doing all of this just because she wanted devon, she kept lying to me to keep me at bay and on the otherhand she was probably going full on with devon because she wanted him and just wanted to break up with me...

 

i dont even want to talk about any of this but i feel like i need to get some of it out.. i have no reason anymore, she has no idea how much i pay attention to what she does...

 

i want it all to go away, i really have nothing left that i can trust or stay with, that is what happens to me for all of my life is that everyone leaves me and finds someone better, i have noone i can trust or try to love without getting thrown away for someone else...

 

i had tried before to really let go of logan... so i tried maybe looking into other girld or being with my friends, it was my birthday and my mom doesnt care about me so i didnt get anything at all.. but a really close friend of mine michelle always cared about me and has prettymuch always been there, so far i think its the best and closest friendship with a girl i've probably ever had.... she is such a good person really she is, we have been together before but she just gets tired of me and starts liking someone else... she tells me that its wierd or that its not working out, but i wish she wouldnt lie to me, i tried liking her, and somthing happend with me and her on her b-day  on a ride home, and from then i started hoping soo much that she could get me off of all this and just make life a little easier on me, or give me somthing to look forward to in my life, we called and talked and before you know it there is another guy and she leaves her boyfriend and already really likes this other guy... he's a junior and he asked her to prom.... just like that i still have noone, i am out of her life like a light and i dont matter anymore.....

 

so now im really ruined, im almost sure that logan is just moving on and is ready to find another guy, i dont know what to believe, that she still might want to stay or be gone..

 

 

other than all of this i have no life... at all or ever.. logan is the only girl i've ever truely wanted to do all of this for, and just like anything else in my life i am left for somthing better.

i am not happy, i want to die honestly, everyone tells me not to kill myself, and i dont want to do that to any of my friends.

 

i want her back because i dont want everything i've done to go to nothing, logan really is such a sweetheart of a person and i want to be there with her, i could talk about how wonderufl she is for days and never run out of things to say... other than all of this i am crying now and my fingers hurt and i can no longer sit down because my back hurts soo badly...

 

i want my life back, i want someone to love me, and keep it that way, i will never leave someone, i just want logan to come back and stay... i love her and noone else, and i mean the truth then i say this... just her and only her, i have forgiven soo mush and gone though soo much to stay with her...

 

my life is a wreck...

 

-someone save me-